HE'S JUST LIKE ME FR

It was a bit difficult for me to get into the groove of this book at first. It felt sort of personal reading this. I know we were reading from the narrator's point of view, but I felt like I was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. Maybe that's just me. When he was first describing what I assumed was a wet dream, it was like ok, wtf 😭😭😭 Proust's vivid descriptions of the narrator's surroundings were wonderful, and I was able to fully imagine the scenes as if they were playing out right in front of my eyes. At times, it was easy to get lost. I feel like his writing style does not help with that lol. I feel like I've missed a lot of details or just straight up did not conceptualise what was happening.

Moving on to more important things, I wasn't expecting the book to be the narrator (probably Proust) just reminiscing. The first chapter really touched my heart. I don't know how I feel about somewhat relating to this character. His relationship with his mother and his anxiety were both things that spoke to me. Maybe not to the same extent. The writing in these scenes was so tender and soft, it made me miss my mom. The lengths the narrator went to get his mother to come kiss him goodnight were dramatic and silly, but it's also something I would have done. I wouldn't want to go out and ask. I, too, would send a note. I've always been a neurotic and anxious person. I remember crying for my mom because I was so scared of going places alone and having to talk to strangers. Except it's worse because I wasn't even that young, I was like 17. I think she realised something was wrong then. I remember her comforting me and asking me what was wrong. I felt a sense of relief knowing that she knew that something wasn't right, but I felt extremely guilty because a part of her would blame herself for me turning out this way. 

When his mother stayed with him all throughout the night, reading to him and comforting him with a soft and gentle voice, it really hit! 

There were also two stand out lines that made my heart break. "my sadness was regarded no longer a punishable offense" and "I could cry without sin" It's horrible that a child should feel this way! To be punished for having a strong emotional response is abhorrent. I think it would have negative long lasting effects on a person, maybe even emotionally stunt them. (common sense hello)

Question: Were there any rituals or routines you felt the need to do as a kid? If so how did it make you feel when you were unable to?